Infidelity

Today we listened to Governor Roy Romer discuss infidelity. He talked about long term marriage and what happens to those that remain in a long term marriage. He states that those who do remain in a long term marriage will at one point have feelings for someone outside the marriage. He states that you must work at marriage like a job. What would it take to be fulfilled? Trust and openness are two key components? How open? Define open? Are we heading towards a society of non-monogomous realtionships? Some relationships do choose this route and can be successful. However I believe marriage or a committed relationship has to be defined by what both of you desire or expect. I prefer monogomy but I do believe that the couple should be honest enough to share with the other when they discover they are having feelings or "crushes" on somebody else. They then can work on what problems may have brought them to this point before a possible disaster hits. Many couples have places they can turn for help. A few examples could include churches, councelors, and/or friends.

Faked Orgasm-Chapter 4 readings

This particular excerpt indicates how in the earlier days of the second wave of the Women's Movement, women gathered in small consciousness-raising groups to talk about their experiences with sex. They realized that more women than none had actually faked an orgasm. I think this topic is very interesting and I think it should be talked about more often. I believe that it is okay to fake an orgasm. I believe it brings us back to the topic of how sex means different things for different people. Some women who faked an orgasm on any given night may have needed to only get nurturing for her partner. Therefore in order to satisfy her man, she wanted to show him how pleasured she was. Some individuals get fulfillment by knowing their parner was satisfied and he/she then can relax and enjoy. Also, sometimes if a person is taking a particular medication or in a particular mindset, he/she may not be able to reach orgasm. This can not only be frustrating to either partner but cause stress to the situation. Also, woman especially can enjoy sex without orgasm. I don't think if you fake orgasm everytime however that this is healthy or normal but I do believe that sometimes it is crucial to a sexual existance. You don't have to have good sex to enjoy it. Any connection whatsoever can be beneificial to either partner. You also can not be in the MOOD for sex and find yourself somehow engaged in sex and be completely in the mood afterall.

I located a webpage that indicated 75% of women faked their orgasm. here is the link

http://news.softpedia.com/news/Why-75-of-the-Women-Fake-the-Orgasm-56389.shtml

This topic is definately one where I can see women to be embarrassed to talk about but I think it would be interesting to have an open discussion about this and see what are the reasonings behind it.

Sex and what it means for different people

Today in class we discussed sex and what it means to different people. It can be emotional or non-emotional. It can be stressful or it can actually relieve stress. It can be joyful or hurtful. It can show love or it can show hate. It could also have religious undertones. It also has different meanings for different age groups. I became really curious about other women in their thirties such as myself and if their sex drive had increased or decreased since their twenties. I came across the following:

Dear Alice,
Is it true that a woman's sex drive is at its peak when she reaches 30? I can vouch for the fact that at 32, I think about sex more than I ever have in my lifetime.
—Horny 30's
Dear Horny 30's,
This sex drive statistic came from researcher Alfred Kinsey, PhD, who learned that women had more orgasm in their thirties than at any other time in their lifespan. This may be due to many reasons. Women in their thirties often have become more comfortable with their bodies and with their body responses. Their orgasms, sometimes from intercourse/penetration, more often than not, have become more reliable. They often have more self-confidence and a stronger sense of themselves. Women in their thirties also have a better sense of their needs, and perhaps are more willing to communicate their needs more fully. More familiar with their body responses, they can describe what they want to their partner more easily, thus increasing their sexual satisfaction. This increased sexual satisfaction can then result in a cycle of desiring more sex.
Another factor to take into account is the change in hormone levels as women age. As men and women age, their testosterone levels drop, with a slower decrease in testosterone in women. This gradual decrease can cause women to desire sex more often than men their own age. Also, as hormone levels fluctuate in a thirtyish-year-old woman, her desire for sex may change, as well. In most cases, the desire for sex increases.
People are unique individuals who'll desire sex in different ways and quantities. In the meantime, you can enjoy your sexual energy, your lust, your fantasies, and your magnificent thirties. Contrary to what many believe, life isn't all downhill from here. As people grow older, what they lose in frequency, they make up in quality. Just think of sexuality and pleasure as improving with age, similar to fine wine.
You can check out the following resource for more info:
"Intimacy and aging: Tips for sexual health and happiness" on the MayoClinic website
Alice

I thought this was interesting...I hope the fluctuation in my hormones continue so that even in my forties, my desire will remain elevated.

Also, I think it's GREAT that couples in their sixties have a great sex life. I hope that I can say that as I get older. I think it's HEALTHY!

Tips to prevent sexual assault

Found this on a site......interesting

Tips to teach the women we love:
1. If you are attacked, always remember the elbow is the strongest point on your body. If you are close enough to use it, do!
2. If you are mugged and the robber asks for your purse, don’t hand it to him but throw it away from you. Then run like crazy in the other direction.
3. Use your loudest voice to scream for help, but if there is no one around, scream “NO!” and hold your hand in a stop position as you are backing away.
4. If someone should jump in your car and hold a gun to your head, do not drive off. Instead put your foot on the gas pedal and speed into something. The airbag will save you, and as quick as the car hits, jump out and run.
5. Be aware of your circumstances at all times. If you feel you are being followed, go to a public building and call 911. Do not take a chance.
Trust your gut
As humans, we are all blessed with an inner voice that gives us warnings and promptings. If something or someone does not feel right, then leave the area as soon as possible. Do not try to argue with your institution.
Sexual Assault is not about Sex
Sexual assault is about power, control, anger and feelings of inadequacy on the part of the offender. It is acting out of these thought patterns which focuses on those weaker and more vulnerable, which puts others at risk. Men, women and children who have been forced into sexual situations which were not consensual or where there was an unequity of power, should feel no blame or shame. It behooves us as a community to offer support for victims and speedy criminal charges and incarceration for those who would violate our most vulnerable members.

VCU Sexual assault 2009

Good to know..I pulled up VCU crime reports for 2009 and for those of you that don't know this, I found out there have been no sexual assaults reported on or off the Monroe Campus..Good to know!!


http://www.vcu.edu/police/docs/CrimeStats/2009MonroeStats.pdf

Sexual Assault on campus

Wednesday's discussion in class about sexual assault on campus was a topic that many students had alot of personal scenerios to discuss. I think we could probably even come up with several more interesting situations. When I graduated Highschool back in 1995..yes 1995.. I was blessed to go off to a nearby college in Radford, VA..Radford University. It used to be a all womans college but it changed to unisex and the school had alot to offer. I do remember traveling in packs with other girls off to parties and even to classes at night. I remember I even had a guy friend named Phil, who was a BIG guy and he would walk me to a night class. We would always hear of assaults and such at night. SCARY!
Dr. Holliday mentioned a girl who always left her door open because her boyfriend would come in later at night and instead of her boyfriend coming in this particular night, another boy came in and had sex with her. The girl did not know it was her boyfriend?? When I heard about this particular situation I questionned this...I tried to imagine myself..now a light sleeper because I have a child and I know if this happened to me I would know RIGHT away it wasn't my boyfriend. Unless she was such a sound sleeper that she was SLEEPING through the SEX, I find it hard to believe she didn't know it wasn't her boyfriend. Also, if she sleeps THAT deeply then she needs to see an MD!!!! No offense but this was tough to here and not think outside the box. If she claimed Rape, I seriously would have that case turned inside out and upside down.

Race and Domestic Violence and Support Services

In reading the text by Crenshaw closely I was severely affected when finding out that battered women were indeed turned away by shelters if they cannot speak or understand English. The particular women named Marie in the story was a battered woman who fleed with her teenage son because her husband threated to kill them both. She was forced to live on the streets for 2 days and while doing so she had been mugged twice. One of the councelor's at the shelter had advised that they did not want to accept the woman in crisis because the woman might feel isolated due to her language barrier? Ok first of all do you think the woman even cares about feeling isolated due to her language barrier???? I think she probably would just rather food, shelter and security and then the language issue can be dealth with once those issues had been resolved. All I can imagine is here is this poor woman and the shelter would actually boot scoot her out the door into NOTHING...I feel for this poor woman..here she has NO options..not one..knows nobody..has been mugged..has a teenage son and the councelors actually looked at her and pushed her out the door? Is this actually HUMANE? Then the shelter had to odassity of having the woman call some hotline and if she was successful in communticating then she would be helped...IM SEVERELY BOTHERED BY THIS!!!! I have worked in SEVERAL places of employment where we had a language line where a NO-ENGLISH speaking individual could be helped and we would merely call a translator and pick which language and the translator could help the individual. Yes it was a pain in the ass to facilitate this but we did it and it was nice to know that person was able to get the help he/she needed. Why can't this be done in a shelter..UI understand bringing in translators might be expensive but what about just having a language line for women in crisis to help facilitate their needs. If they can afford a HOTLINE then why not implement a LANGUAGE LINE. KI mean has ANYONE thought of this resolution? It seems easy to me...I mean pushing the woman away back into a potential DEADLY situation versus simply obtaining a LANGUAGE LINE...I have attached info about a link that has varios languages...check it out
http://www.languageline.com/

Virtual Gender

Judy Wajcman writes an interesting article on cyberspace and relationships. It's perfect for this day and age. I think everyone, especially if you are reading this blog has experience with this cyberspace world. It's new, exciting, creative, and allows for this sense of freedom that one just can't tap into in regular ordinary experiences. She talk about how we explore our own identities while also trying out new ones. I find it a way to create our own self into a unique individual or express our own unique characteristics.

With all the new attractive new sites at our finger tips, who wouldn't want to explore. Nobody can see you..nobody can feel you...nobody can see your expressions...it's all imaginary and fantasy like ...in fact two years ago I started playing around with eharmony.com and Match.com trying to seek a desired relationship that I had wanted for quite some time...hell...my entire life. To engage in words..phrases...it begins with winking at someone...they wink back if they are interested. I would start my day with winking at a few guys that wrote somewhat descent profiles and yet displayed some look by their picture that said.."WINK AT ME"..I'd rush home later that day to see who winked back and wanted to engage in conversations. Never did I realize that 2 years later I would be dating someone from a CYBERSPACE site. It's insane. he later told me he had viewed my profile and changed some of his to match mine so that I'd be more interested...FALSE ADVERTISEMENT HUH..funny thing is I can't return him...LOL...I wouldn't want to ...he is a keeper..

In a sense though it did allow for a risk free environment where we could engage in intimate conversations that perhaps many do fear and desire both. Although one may say rish free..I beg to differ that in some instances...Sometimes people who are in secure relationships sometimes feeling homebound adventure out to these sites only to find themselves caught up in relationships that they never thought they would partake in. Is this cheating they ASK??? If your spouse may walk in at anytime while u are networking and you feel you might have to minimize your computer screen than YES YES this is not risk free....I worry about these sites sometimes...TOO ATTRACTIVE maybe??? I've always said sometimes it may expose you to too much variety...too many situations dumped in your lap.....SIN IS KNOCKING AT YOUR DOOR SOMETIMES and if and only if you can keep it to friendship would I suggest it.....Would any of you agree that sometimes these sites can bring too much drama on if your life....Do you find yourself looking at times people logged in or what their status is or why he/she did this or said that online and what they were inferencing....I don't think this was where Wajcman was going with her article but the article bring me to wanting to discuss this topic very much...I bet soooooo many of you out there have something to say about this topic......IS it really such a SAFE environment?????Isn't cyberspace in a way lustful and that alone can be dangerous grounds for DISASTER...Please comment on this..I'm dying to know what others think.

Family Systems, Family Lives

In reading this article, I absolutely fell in love when I heard the definition of family. The article states call them kinship systems. The word kinship sounds so warm and loving. I love being part of a "kinship". The standard family however is not so standard. One in three children are born to unmarried parents who may or may not be living together. This has actually become the norm. I used to think that my child was suffering because he wasn't living in a two parent household and that he might end up scarred for life. However, he has myself, my mother, my boyfriend and his family, my extended family and many friends. He is a smart, well rounded young boy. I have learned that many types of family lifestyles are okay and kids need to know that. They need to focus on what good things they do have that other families don't have. My son gets to have Christmas at his father's, his grandmother's and his own home. He has so many other people that bring joy to his life. He has step brothers and half sisters in which he adores. I have always taught him that although he doesn't have both his mother and father living under the same roof with him, look at all the extra people that are now part of his life that he would have never had. We are both grateful for that fact.

This article also discusses Divorce Law. It is of interest to me because I am a divorced woman and have been through the state in order to fight for child support. I have dealt with Child Support Enforcement Services as well as hired a lawyer. My ex husband went through financial hardship where he could not pay his child support. I had to fight for my son's support. Although the situation is better now, I was the statistic that was not getting the appropriate amount of support. Check out the following link:

http://www2.timesdispatch.com/rtd/news/state_regional/article/SUPP20_20090719-222806/281041/

Unfortunately, the United States has among the highest marriage and the highest divorce rates of any industrialized country. The odds are against us. So we do the best with what we have on our plate and love the people in our lives. No matter their gender, race, ethnicity, etc. We invite them into our homes and share with them what we know. We let our children know that all families are different but that in itself is unique and beautiful.